In General I don’t brag. I actually have trouble talking myself up sometimes, but there is one thing that all my friends and I know I am skilled at… I am a great wing woman. And let me just say that being a good wing woman is not like in the movies or on TV. (I am looking at you Jersey Shore). You don’t have to take the ugly guy or “Grenade” home, so you’re friend can score. It doesn’t work that way. At least it never has for me. I should hope that we could all go home with whomever we want to or alone if we so chose. Going home alone is always the safest bet because I’m always going to get lucky with myself. I’m getting off-track. To be a great wingman it’s about being a team player and helping your friend with whatever their dating weaknesses happen to be. Here are my tips for anyone who cares enough about their friends to want them to be happy or try to get them laid. And let me say that these rules are specific to going to a bar.
- Go in Pairs – When helping someone to find a new romantic partner, whether you are looking for a guy or a girl; go in pairs. Sometimes when we go out with friends we go in big groups. You are completely unapproachable when you are taking tequila shots with your four best buddies. Also, although Neil Strauss’ infamous book The Game preaches the importance of men approaching ladies in threes. This makes sense, but doesn’t take in the concept of wingpeople and assumes that only men can go on the hunt for a mate. I have been a wingwoman for girls and boys. There isn’t really a big difference. In fact, ladies trust a girl telling them that their guy friend is amazing much more than they would ever trust another guy. But guess what? If I am approached by a group or in a group I am never going to meet new people.
- Stake out Your Target – Find a place in the bar and sit with your friend. Look around and try to find someone they think is cute. That is the first step. There has to be some kind of attraction otherwise we are all just wasting our time.
- Help Initiate a conversation – Sometimes, when you are feeling butterflies in your stomach because you see that the guy you are lusting for you get tongue-tied. That is what a wingwoman is for! You have no vested interest in this new potential interest for your friend, and so you don’t have to be scared to talk to them. You have nothing to lose and so it is on you to help strike up a conversation with your friend’s new Casanova. Try to talk to them about something innocuous like, “what they’re favorite drink is?” Before switching the attention to your gorgeous friend. If they start talking your job is done! If he or she seems uninterested move on. You can’t wait for magic to happen.
- Leave – They seem to be really hitting it off and bonding over their love of Lord of the Rings, so what should you do now? Give them space. Find something else to do at the bar. Get another drink. Find your own target. Being a wingman is about being unselfish and helping out your friend. It takes a lot of confidence and utter shamelessness. So, if you have those qualities you will be able to attract someone at the bar.
- Come Back Intermittently– Don’t leave them alone forever. Your friend will assume you have left. Also, they may have hit a lull in conversation and discovered that they actually can’t relate at all. That’s where you come in as the wing savior you are to reinstate yourself as a breath of fresh air in the conversation. If they are doing well, you can leave again, but if it’s going terribly you can steal your friend away for an “emergency.”
- Help your friend Walk Away – So, this is important. At some point your friend needs to seal the deal. They need to get the number or give their number or kiss their new betrothed all over their face. You can make this happen by “Needing to leave.” If they decide they want to go home together, that’s great, but giving a sense of urgency to the evening will only intensify their feelings. Also, if your friend sucks at getting numbers that is not your fault. You cannot make people socially able to interact.
- This is not about taking credit – They may hit it off or they may never see each other again. They may even get married. But remember as the wingman you cannot take credit for introducing them. You are like Batman. When you have done your job correctly no one even knows your there. Now go off into the night and make love happen!